Self-Care: Overcoming the Guilt of Caring for Yourself

by GGC clinician Michaela Zoppa 

For busy women, the idea of self-care can seem like a luxury you simply can’t afford. Between managing your household, caring for your kids, and juggling work or other responsibilities, finding time for yourself can feel impossible. And even when you do, that nagging guilt often sets in—telling you that you should be doing something more “productive” instead.

Many of the women I work with express wanting to rest, set boundaries, or practice self-care, but the guilt keeps them from actually making changes. The truth is, self-care isn’t selfish, and it doesn’t require hours of your time. In fact, it’s essential for your well-being, especially when you’ve been neglecting your own needs to care for everyone else.

Let’s talk about how to reshape your idea of self-care and let go of the guilt that can come with it.

1. Reframe Self-Care: It’s a Necessity

Think of self-care as an investment in yourself. It's like filling up your gas tank. When you're fueled up, you're ready to go. It doesn't have to be a spa day or hours of alone time. You can’t run on empty, or you will eventually break down.

• Self-care is an investment: When you take care of yourself, you’re going to be better equipped to handle stress, care for your family, and manage day-to-day responsibilities.
• Small moments count: You don’t need hours of free time for self-care. Even 5–10 minutes can make a difference. These small breaks are essential for avoiding burnout.

2. Find Self-Care That Fits Into Your Busy Schedule

Self-care doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming. The key is to find little pockets of time throughout your day to recharge.

• Take mini breaks: Just 5 minutes to take deep breaths, step outside for fresh air, or listen to your favorite song can help you reset and recharge.
• Incorporate mindful moments: Bring mindfulness into your daily routine. Whether you’re making your morning coffee, driving, or folding laundry, try focusing on the present moment.
• Say no to extra commitments: Give yourself permission to say no to something this week. Setting this boundary is an act of self-care that frees up mental and emotional space and time!

Delegate or ask for help: Sometimes self-care means offloading tasks. Ask your partner, kids, or a friend to take on a chore or errand so you can have a moment to breathe.

3. Manage the Guilt with Self-Compassion

When you take time for yourself, guilt can creep in. You may think, “I should be doing more”, or “I’m not being productive.” But these thoughts aren’t helpful. The key is not letting guilt stop you from practicing self-care. This takes practice!

• Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to feel guilty, but remind yourself that these feelings don’t reflect wrongdoing. Guilt is a feeling, not a fact. 
• Speak kindly to yourself: When guilt arises, counter it with kind, reassuring statements. Try saying, “I deserve care too” or “Taking care of myself helps me take care of others.”
• Remember your “why”: Self-care allows you to show up as the best version of yourself for your kids, family, and work. Focus on the long-term benefits, rather than the immediate discomfort of guilt.

4. Make Self-Care Non-Negotiable

Treat self-care like brushing your teeth. It's essential. When you see self-care as essential, it becomes easier to integrate it into your routine without the guilt.

• Schedule it: Put self-care in your calendar, even if it’s just 10 minutes. Treat it like any other important appointment.
• Start small: If the idea of self-care feels overwhelming, start with one small, non-negotiable activity each day, like drinking a cup of coffee in silence or taking a short walk.
• Stick to a routine: Create a self-care routine that works for you, whether it’s a morning ritual, a midday pause, or an evening wind-down.

5. Unpack the Deeper Roots of Guilt: Could It Be Trauma or Anxiety?

If you find yourself constantly feeling guilty for taking time for self-care, it may be a sign that something deeper is at play. Women with trauma or anxiety often experience intense guilt when they prioritize their needs because they’ve learned to suppress their own desires in favor of others.

• Trauma may make you feel unworthy of care: If you’ve experienced trauma, especially in childhood or relationships, you might have internalized the belief that your needs are not important or that you don’t deserve to take up space. This can create feelings of guilt when you do something for yourself.
• Anxiety can heighten feelings of inadequacy: Anxiety often fuels thoughts that you’re not doing enough or that you’re falling behind. When you take time for self-care, anxious thoughts can flare up, telling you that you should be doing something “more productive.”
• Guilt may be masking deeper emotions: Sometimes, guilt is a cover for other feelings like shame, fear, or sadness. If self-care feels impossible, it may be time to explore these feelings with a therapist who can help you better understand them.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve Self-Care Without the Guilt

If you feel guilty about practicing self-care, I want you to hear this: You deserve it. You deserve to rest, recharge, and feel good about taking care of yourself. By prioritizing your well-being, you’re ensuring that you can continue to show up for the people and responsibilities that matter most.

If you’re struggling to find balance, manage guilt, or set boundaries, therapy can help. Reach out today to learn more about how we can support you in creating a life that honors your needs.