Navigating Teen Friendships: A Parent’s Guide

By GGC clinician: Michaela Zoppa

As a therapist who works with teen girls, I've witnessed firsthand the profound impact of friendships on a teen girl's emotional well-being.  Even the most active and engaged teens can struggle with feelings of loneliness, exclusion, or self-doubt. Let’s discuss some strategies of what to do and what not do when supporting teens through the ups and downs of friendships.

Teenage years are full of emotional and social challenges. Friendships often come with intense highs and lows, and it’s common for teens to face peer pressure, social media influence, drama, conflict, and feelings of isolation. The desire to fit in can push teens to act in ways that don’t align with their values, while social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat can amplify feelings of inadequacy. Misunderstandings and jealousy may escalate into major friendship issues, and even when participating in various activities, many teens feel left out or worry that others share closer bonds.

Recognizing Signs Your Teen May Be Struggling

Parents should be aware of subtle signs that indicate their teen might be experiencing friendship challenges. These can include:

• Withdrawing from social activities
• Increased sadness or irritability after social interactions
• Frequent complaints about friends
• Negative self-talk and signs of low self-esteem

When you observe these signs, having an open conversation can provide her with a safe space to express what she’s going through. Show your teen she can talk to you without fear of judgment by practicing active listening and maintaining open body language. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been going on with your friends lately?” to encourage fuller responses. Validating her feelings and reassuring her that friendship challenges are a normal part of life can make her feel less alone. Acknowledge your teen's emotions and let them know it's okay to feel a range of feelings.

What to Do to Help Your Teen Build Healthy Friendships

Here are strategies to help your teen navigate friendships and build positive connections:

• Identify Positive Friendship Traits: Encourage your teen to think about the qualities she values in friends, such as kindness, honesty, and loyalty. Point these traits out when you see them in others. Help her pursue friendships that align with her values rather than focusing solely on fitting in.
• Teach Communication Skills: Role-play scenarios to help your teen practice assertive communication and conflict resolution. Teens may need help forming the language to communicate their needs or invite someone to join in. Offering examples and practicing together can make these interactions easier.
• Find Ways to Build Confidence: Support your teen in stepping outside her comfort zone. While she may already participate in sports or school activities, trying new hobbies or activities can introduce her to new people and help her build friendships outside her usual circles. Research clubs, volunteer opportunities, or other activities that your teen can join.
• Teach Her to Recognize Red Flags in Friendships: Talk about signs of unhealthy friendships, such as one-sidedness, jealousy, or exclusion. Pointing out these “red flags” can help her understand that it’s okay to distance herself from unsupportive peers, even if it feels difficult. Remind her she deserves friendships that uplift her.
• Set and Respect Boundaries: Emphasize the importance of boundaries in friendships, explaining that healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding. Encourage her to communicate openly about her limits and to respect those of others. Let her know that saying “no” is okay.
• Equip Her to Cope with Rejection and Exclusion: Help her understand that feeling excluded or rejected is a common experience and doesn’t reflect her value or worth. Normalize these feelings by reassuring her that everyone faces them at times, and it’s part of navigating friendships. Encourage her to remind herself that exclusion doesn’t define who she is. Let her know it’s okay to express her feelings and reach out for support when needed.

What NOT to Do to Help Your Teen Build Healthy Friendships

Supporting your teen through friendship challenges also means being aware of what to avoid. Here are actions to try to steer clear of:

• Don’t Overreact or Jump to Conclusions: Reacting with intense emotions may lead your teen to feel hesitant to share in the future. Try to avoid jumping to worse case scenarios or reacting impulsively. Instead, listen with an open mind and reserve judgment,

• Don’t Minimize Their Feelings: Statements like “You’ll get over it” or “It’s not that big of a deal” can be dismissive. Even if the situation seems minor from an adult’s perspective, it can be significant to a teen. Invalidating their feelings discourages them from sharing in the future and can deepen emotional struggles.

• Avoid Overstepping or Intervening: While you may want to step in and solve her problems, it’s important to empower your teen to handle challenging social situations on their own. Resist the urge to call their friend’s parents or directly intervene unless absolutely necessary. While done with good intentions, this can undermine their confidence in handling their own problems and make them feel incapable of managing social challenges independently. Guide her to think through solutions rather than providing all the answers.

• Don’t Pry for Details: It’s important to be informed, but pushing your teen for every detail about their social life can feel invasive and build pushback. Let them share at their own comfort level, and respect their boundaries.
• Don’t Be Overly Critical of Their Friends: It’s normal to want to express negative opinions about their teen’s friends, especially if you see them as a bad influence. However, this can cause teens to become defensive or feel misunderstood. It’s more effective to ask questions that help teens reflect on their relationships rather than criticize their friends outright.

Final Thoughts

It’s hard to watch your teen struggle and face struggles with friendships, but it’s important to approach these moments with a growth mindset. Remind yourself that growth is a process, and she might not be there yet—but that doesn’t mean she won’t get there. By fostering open communication, encouraging healthy relationships, and equipping her with coping strategies, you empower her to develop the tools she needs to handle social situations with confidence. With your support, she can learn to navigate the world of friendships, building connections that contribute to her happiness and emotional well-being.