Defining Your Values: Living Authentically and Purposefully

By Nora Gutierrez

Amidst the daily hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to lose touch with what truly matters to us. Our values—the principles and beliefs that guide our decisions and behaviors—can become blurred or overshadowed by the demands of life. Defining your values is a crucial step toward living an authentic and fulfilling life. It’s also a vital aspect of self-care and emotional well-being.

Why Are Values So Important?

Our values serve as a compass for our lives. They shape how we make decisions, approach challenges, and interact with others. According to psychologist Dr. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, values are at the core of our psychological well-being. When we live in accordance with our values, we experience a sense of purpose, meaning, and satisfaction. On the other hand, when we are disconnected from our values, it can lead to feelings of frustration, stress, and even depression.

Research shows that living in alignment with your values is associated with:

1. Greater Life Satisfaction: Studies show that people who live in alignment with their values report higher levels of life satisfaction, meaning, and overall well-being.
2. Reduced Stress and Anxiety: Values-based living helps individuals cope with difficult emotions by fostering a sense of purpose and perspective. When we are guided by our values, we are less likely to feel overwhelmed by life’s challenges.
3. Increased Resilience: People who have a clear sense of their values are more likely to bounce back from setbacks and persevere through difficult times. This is because values give us a sense of direction and motivation, even when external circumstances are tough.

How Do You Define Your Values?

Identifying your values is a deeply personal process. It requires reflection and self-awareness. Here are some steps to help you get started:

1. Reflect on Life’s Meaningful Moments

Think about the times in your life when you felt the most fulfilled, proud, and at peace. These moments often reveal what you truly value. Were you helping others? Were you pursuing a personal goal? Were you nurturing a relationship? Write down these moments and look for patterns. The activities or qualities that stand out may point to your core values.

2. Identify What Matters Most to You

Consider the following questions to help you identify your values:

• What qualities do I admire in others?
• What do I want to stand for in my life?
• What do I want to prioritize in my relationships, work, and self-care?
• What would I regret not doing or being in my life?

Some common values for women may include: family, integrity, self-care, creativity, compassion, independence, and personal growth.

3. Explore Your Emotional Responses

Our emotions often serve as a helpful guide to our values. For example, you might feel anger or frustration when your boundaries are crossed, which can point to the value of respect. Or, you may experience joy and fulfillment when you engage in creative pursuits, suggesting that creativity is an important value to you. Pay attention to the emotions that arise in different situations and use them to uncover what matters most to you.

4. Use a Values List

If you’re feeling unsure of where to start, you can use a list of common values to prompt your thinking. Here’s a partial list of values to consider:

• Authenticity
• Balance
• Connection
• Courage
• Family
• Freedom
• Gratitude
• Growth
• Health
• Honesty
• Independence
• Kindness
• Leadership
• Love
• Purpose
• Respect
• Spirituality
• Success
• Trustworthiness
• Wisdom

From this list, select 5-10 values that resonate with you most strongly. Then, narrow it down to 3-5 core values that feel most essential to your identity.

5. Consider Your Priorities and Future Goals

Once you have identified your core values, think about how they align with your current priorities and future aspirations. Are there areas of your life where you’re not living in alignment with your values? Are there any changes you’d like to make to bring your actions in line with your beliefs?.

Living in Alignment with Your Values

Once you’ve defined your values, the next step is to live in a way that reflects them. This can be a transformative process that requires ongoing self-reflection and adjustment. Here are some ways to align your life with your values:

1. Set Goals Based on Your Values

When you set goals, make sure they reflect your values. For instance, if health is one of your core values, your goals may include regular exercise, eating nourishing foods, or prioritizing mental health. If family is important to you, you might aim to spend more quality time with loved ones.

2. Create Boundaries that Protect Your Values

Boundaries are essential for maintaining alignment with your values. For example, if you value personal time but find yourself overcommitted to others, it’s important to set clear limits on your time. Saying “no” to requests that don’t align with your values can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s necessary for protecting your energy and well-being.

3. Practice Mindfulness and Reflection

Mindfulness is a powerful tool for staying connected to your values. By regularly checking in with yourself and your emotions, you can assess whether your actions are in alignment with your beliefs. Journaling or meditative practices can be especially helpful in this regard.

4. Seek Support and Accountability

Sometimes it can be challenging to stay true to your values, especially when external pressures or self-doubt arise. Surround yourself with people who support your values and can hold you accountable. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or therapist, having someone who understands your values can help you stay on track and offer guidance when needed.

The Benefits of Defining and Living by Your Values

Living in alignment with your values isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most rewarding paths you can take. Research consistently shows that people who live authentically are happier, more resilient, and less likely to experience chronic stress or anxiety. You’re more likely to make decisions that feel right to you, which leads to a greater sense of confidence and fulfillment.

When you define your values, you create a roadmap for how you want to live your life—not based on external expectations, but based on what truly matters to you. This can be a liberating experience that fosters self-compassion and empowers you to live with intention.

Lastly, if you find yourself struggling with this process, or if you’re unsure how to align your life to your values, a therapist can offer valuable support and guidance. Together, you can explore your beliefs, examine your goals, and create a framework that honors who you are and what you truly want.